Sisters in Christ

You are special

2011-05-12T07:27:00.000-07:00

After a lot of thought we have decided to revive this blog. I made myself a list of things to do each day of the week and on Thursdays I will post on here. 8-) Saying that, here is my new post.

When you go to the store what do you see? Food, clothes, people, and a long stack of magazines. I am sure, as you are checking out, that you cannot help but glance at their bold words and bright covers - and what is on most of them? Well, who is going out with who, who is no longer dating who, and so forth. But there is also other things.

"Loose ten pounds by Christmas!"

"Get a beach body for the summer!"

"The kind of body guys really like!"

"How to look great in the latest fashions!"

This always makes me sad to see. The world is bombarding girls. They are saying the only thing that matters is for a girl to be skinny and look great and the guys will fall at her feet - then it tells her how to get them to do whatever she wants. Girls nowadays are supposed to be super thin, shapely, with shinning hair and bright eyes, basically models. But that isn't what God wants.

God tells us He looks on the inward appearance while man looks on the outward. God tells us it is our character that should be lovely.

Of course, there is nothing wrong in looking nice. In fact, we should as how we dress reflects who we are and who we are in Christ. But we shouldn't listen to the world. You don't have to wear the latest fashions to be pretty. Wear things you like, just make sure they are nice, in nice condition, and fit you well. In fact, if you need help in this area I know you can ask Katie. *Wink*

Also, don't worry about being thin. What is more important is to be healthy. I am not very thin and I am often discouraged by the things I see, the reminder that no one will think I am pretty unless I am thin. But it really doesn't matter what the world things, and more importantly, getting thin so the world will like you is a bad reason. If you need to loose some weight, do it, but to be healthy. And you don't have to loose as much as the world tells you.

In other words, be yourself, the special self God made you to be. Be concerned with growing closer to Him not with making the world like you. And tell your best friend or mother about how you are feeling, it helps to have someone there to encourage you. In fact, you can even make up an excersize plan and do it with someone or have someone keep you accountable - trust me, this helps a lot.

You are an original, a special design and creation that God made. Don't let the world make you like everyone else.

Love always,

About Boys

2010-05-24T10:38:00.000-07:00

Sorry I have been gone, again, summer is busy as usual – even if there is no summery weather to enjoy. Here is my post I have been delaying for far too long, once again I apologize and thank Anna for the prompt.
As I said, I am going to talk to you about boys. Maybe some of you have close friends now who are boys, or maybe you did when you were younger. When I was nine my best friend was a boy in fact. At younger ages it is easy to be friends with boys and not worry about any romantic thoughts entering your heard. After all, in your eyes, a boy is just another kid to go and play with and dig in the dirt with. However, at this age, friendships with boys may be harder. You may find that when are around boys all you can think about is how nice he is, how handsome, and maybe even wish to court him.
There is nothing wrong with thinking a boy is nice of course, but it is easy to carry these thoughts too far and soon you will find that your friendship is ruined because you no longer view him as a friend but only in a romantic interest. I am not saying you shouldn't be friends with boys – I grew up with two brothers and think that being around boys and playing with them is a lot of fun. However, you must be careful of your thoughts when you are around them as it is easy to start thinking of them as something other then just friends.
The best advice I was ever given on this was to think of all boys as your brothers, and hopefully they are, your brothers in Christ. When you think of them in this way, all romantic thoughts will leave and you can enjoy your time together as brother and sister. And, when God is ready for you to be married, He will show you the one that you shouldn't view as a brother.
Also, as a girl, you must watch your behavior around boys. Are you acting like a girl even when you are joining in their games. When they offer to help with something do you let them or inform them you can do it alone – always remember boys like to help, it is in their nature and as a girl you should let them. There is nothing wrong in showing a little humility and letting him carry your books or whatever else he might offer to carry or let him hold the door for you if he wants. In fact, he would really like this. This same attitude should be had when you are around your real brothers. Someday your brothers will be men and it is in their nature to want to protect and help their sister – and it will help them later with their wives.
There is also the matter of dress. Boys can be easily tempted by improper dress and as their sister in Christ you need to help them to not stumble, not help them over the cliff. Make sure your shirts and paints or skirts aren't too tight. Make sure tops aren't too low and even with your make up, make sure you are not wearing too much as this also is a temptation. If you need help on modesty there is a very nice site of the Rebulution blog – the Modesty Servery – that Katie, I, and some of our friends have found to be a great help. It is especially nice as boys helped to do it and tell what tempts and what doesn't.
If you are like me then you might find thee company of boys to be fun and enjoyable. But just remember that you are a girl and they are boys and there are certain things you shouldn't do around them. Behave always like a girl and always treat them with respect even if they are younger then you.

Queries for Thee -5/8/10

2010-05-07T22:02:00.000-07:00

Today, while I was wrapping my present for Heather, my phone buzzed to let me know that I had a message. It was not, as I had expected, from either of the friends I had been texting while working, but from FaceBook Mobil to inform me that Heather had posted on my FB wall. I took up the laptop, which had been playing my Taylor Swift music, and looked at my wall.

There I found a very sweet post by my dear big sister. It was a lovely, completely unexpected surprise, and that prompted, with the present I was wrapping, this question:

What is coolest surprise you've got from a friend?

Time Together

2010-05-05T22:08:00.000-07:00

I'm finally posting now. I apologize for my long absence, but I have been working through some things the past few weeks. Thankfully, however, I am doing better now. :)

Heather and I have found that one very important part of our friendship is the time we spend together. If we don't spend time together often we both end up discouraged. This, of course, isn't always easy as we are both busy and have very different schedules, but we have found that we have to be willing to put the effort into finding times to do something together if we want to have a strong friendship.

So how do we do it? Well we are both usually free in the evenings so that's when we get together. We get away from other distractions like the TV (for me, at least) and we talk, and giggle and work on the books we are writing together, or do something else fun instead.

Like most things I post about, it wasn't easy at first - Heather would have to remind me before I would remember to get away from the TV, but it is easier now, and I enjoy the time more once I get away from distractions and can give Heather all my attention.

Spending quality time with your friends is a very important part of friendships - whether you take a walk with them, go on a bike ride, or do something online with them doesn't really matter as long as you are both paying attention to the other.

About children

2010-05-03T00:00:00.000-07:00

My boy post is on hold by a brainwave!

I thought it would be a good thing to talk about friendships with younger kids. I suppose that may sound a little odd to some, maybe. Maybe some think it would be hard if not impossible to be real friends with little kids - and I am meaning little not just a year or so younger. I am thinking babysitting age, you know, those little three-year-olds you take care of after school and nights every now and then.

Do any of you think you can be REAL friends with these little kids? After all, what can say a fifteen-year-old have in common with a three-year-old?

When I was a little girl my best friend was my babysitter. She had to have been about ten or so years older then I was but I loved her to pieces and would readily have declared her my friend, and she called me hers and I knew she met it.

Even though she was so much older then I was, my babysitter would play with me and my brothers. She would get down on the floor and play legos and Lincoln logs, building huge barns and houses all across the living room.

It is not hard to be friendly to little kids. The best way to do this is to play with them, you know, all those childish games were you crawl around on the floor and let them climb all over you and do all these embarrassing things - eating mud pies and jumping in puddles like a little kid.

This may be hard at first but it is important to remember that as older girls we are looked up to by younger ones and they can tell when you are doing something because you have to or when you are doing it because you like them and want to be their friend. Also keep in mind that there is no age difference between friends, one can easily be friendly to someone ten years younger or older then they are if they really try. And these little kids will remember your friendship all through their lives and will be reminded of it when they are faced with situations of whether they should be friendly to those younger or older then them.

Never forget that your are an example and there is no harm in acting like a little kid every now and then and eating a mud pie or two with your little companions. 8-D

A Matter of Judging

2010-04-26T12:51:00.000-07:00

I have debated long over the passed two weeks, or week, on what I should post about. I have had many ideas, two of the main ones being boys and judging. I think I shall do judging first.

Now, I know that somewhere in every human beings nature there is a part of us that judges others. This usually comes about when we first meet a person and once we have judge them it usually takes awhile for us to change opinions of them even once we get to know them.

When you met someone for the first time what do you find yourself thinking? Do you look at their outward appearance - dress, hair, make up, and so forth - and get an idea from that as to what kind of person they are? If they are dressed in a very fine dress that looks like it should born at a first class dinner but they are at some small gathering where everyone is wearing every day cloths do you think they are stuck up? What if it is the opposite?

Let's face it, you make your own opinion of someone right when you see them and that could easily be a wrong opinion. You do not know the person, the kind of day they've had. For all you know they did not get the memo on how to dress -or they got off work late, or they had to go somewhere else right after this one gathering. All this is to say you cannot judge a person on their outward appearance alone.

Maybe you can make some pretty safe guesses as to what this person is like but you cannot say for certain. A girl dressed in the latest fashion does not make her someone who spends to much time and concern on her clothing. For all you know she was simply dressing up in such a way for a friend.

All of this is to say that judging a person before you get to know them may ruin your chance at making a new friend. If you are a ladylike girl who likes things neat and orderly and you see a girl arriving at a party in blue jeans and a tee shirt wherein everyone else is wearing party dresses and right off think she is wild and unruly and does not bother dressing nice for a special occasion you may have just jumped to a conclusion and ruined your chance at meeting someone who may be like you in more ways then you know.

Always keep in mind that you do not know the heart of a person until you really get to know them. Yes, I will admit that you must be careful in picking friends, but don't be so judgemental that you loose a friend before you even make one.

Best Friends - It's Not a Label, It's a Promise

2010-04-14T10:23:00.000-07:00

I found this Flair on FaceBook and it reminded me of something I once told Heather. We've both been known to get upset at times and worry that the other will leave us, and it was at one of these times that I told her that I wanted to be her friend forever and I was going to do everything in my power to make sure that she had neither reason nor desire do leave me.

It isn't always easy - keeping a strong friendship rarely is, I think. A lot of times it means making sacrifices and doing things you don't always enjoy, but I think this is the main part of friendships. It doesn't matter how much you have in common, or how close you live if you are really willing to make it work.

If you love your friend and really, truly want to be a good friend to her it won't matter if you enjoy writing - you'll do it with her because you know it is important to her and you'll be willing to make that sacrifice. If you love your friend and want to have a strong friendship it won't matter if it is hard for you to open up when she hurts you - you'll do it because you know that if you don't your friendship will suffer.

I know that I Promise You by Selena Gomez is actually about a couple dating, but some of the lyrics could apply to this very well I think:

But I'm sure heart and soul
That I am never letting you go

I know, I know, I know, I know,
We're gonna make it
'Cause no one else can
Make me feel the way that you do
I promise you
I know, I know, I know, I know,
We're gonna get there
Today, tomorrow,
And forever we will stay true
I Promise you

I'll never let you down
I'll always hear you out
There is nothing you cannot confide.
You listen when I speak
...
And I just want you by my side

Friendship is about more than just having someone who enjoys the same things as you do - it's about loving the person enough to do hard things, and to make sacrifices for them. If Heather and I did not, we would not still be friends.

So the next time a friend wants to do something you don't, or the next time a friend hurts you and you think "oh, I don't want to mention it" think of this: "best friends - it's not a label - it's a promise."

Why Do Friendships Seem Unimportant in the Teen World? Part Two

2010-04-12T19:48:00.001-07:00

Every girl longs to be loved. It is a desire God has given us, the longing to have someone always there for you, someone who thinks you are special and who – though not over looking your faults – loves you in spite of them even when you do fail. Most girls have come to think this longing is only able to be filled by a man, a husband who will always listen to them, always love them, always protect them.

Now, I am not saying it is wrong to desire to be married – so long as it is a desire for the right reasons and does not distract you from God. I must admit, at age 22 it is one of my desires, but one does not have to be married to feel loved.

Everything in this world, or nearly all of it, has to do with romance. Everyone is forgetting what true friendships are and when they see two boys close or two girls close they right off think they are lesbian. Why? Because romance has replaced friendships. Think of some of the greatest friendship stories in history. There was Anne and Diana. Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson. Were these people lesbian? Maybe in some people's minds but the stories were meant to show their friendships.

Then there is the greatest friendship story of all time – the life of David and Jonathan. In the Bible David tells Jonathan his love to him was better then the love of women. I have heard some people use this as an excuse for being homosexual when in fact it just was showing how close these two men were in their friendship. They were like brothers and they were always there for each other – think of it! Sometimes David's own wife was not there for him!

So, I firmly believe there can be close friendships between two girls and two boys without there being any romance involved. And I also believe friendships are very important in a young adult's life. If a girl starts dating at so young an age in a search to be loved she will end up with a broken heart every time she breaks up or there is a chance she will end up pregnant. However, if she has a friend, a true friend who loves her and who she knows loves her, this risk is lessened.

True friends can bare each other up, can help each other through life, and to help fill that longing we all have. Now I know a girl friend can never fill the longing to be married and loved by a man, but a friend can reassure you you are loved, wanted, cared for.

Having Things in Common Doesn’t Make a Friend

2010-04-08T19:07:00.000-07:00

I’ve already talked about what a true friend is, but I think there is one thing people still misunderstand - having things in common with someone doesn’t make a friend, either. A lot of times friendships can seem close because the two people have so much in common, when in reality that is as far as the friendship goes. Now, mind you, I am not saying that all friendships in which the two people have things in common are shallow friendship, but we should not limit ourselves to only friends that like the same sorts of things as we do.

A couple years ago I had a personal blog that I shared with a good friend of mine. One day we got a comment from somebody called “MaidenCapitolaBallot.” I clicked on her name to look at her profile, saw that she was 20, and exited. (I was nearly fourteen at the time.) What could I possibly have in common with a 20 year old? I wondered.
Well, not a whole lot, to be honest. Except for the fact that we both love Jesus, writing and old fashioned things we’re complete opposites. She’s a tom boy, I’m a girly girl. I like romantic books/movies, she likes adventurous ones. I’m talkative, she’s quiet. I’m a city girl, she’s a country girl. We even look opposites! I’m very tall with medium brown hair and fair skin; she’s petite and sunburned with very dark brown hair.

But you know what? She’s one of my best friends. She’s my SOS - my sweet older sister. She’s Heather, and I don’t know what I would do without her. She helped me get through my difficult, trying fifteenth year, and patiently put up with all my whining when I didn’t particularly feel like growing up. She keeps me from becoming too grown up and lady like by dragging me off on explorations and up trees whenever she gets the chance and encourages me in everything I do. And it’s not just the things she does for me - I love her, and I love doing things for her. I know that despite our differences we’re going to be best friends forever.

Letters, a thing of the past?

2010-04-06T18:31:00.000-07:00

So sorry this is late. I didn't get my post done in time and then today my computer acted up. Here it is now, enjoy, Heather

I think letter writing is one of those lost arts. There was something special when girls would take the time to sit down and write long, thoughtful letters to their friends. Let's face it, taking time to dig out paper, sharpen your ever dull pencil, and write a page or more not only can take a great portion of your time but also your brain as you must think of what to say.

In the olden days, when family members wrote to other family members who were miles away they filled every last space on the page with words. Now people barely take time to go on a friend's face book and if they do a majority of them only put so and so likes so and so's comment.

Things have gotten easier with keeping in contact. Emails, phone calls, texts, face book – you name it they have it. But how many of you actually use any of these means to talk to friends? Do you sit down at your computer and write a personal email, or do you simply say, “Hi, how are you? I've been busy with such and such.” Even with Face book, do you take time to comment? What about blogs? Or anything for that matter.

Let's admit it, we are all busy. But, are we too busy to set aside even half an hour a day to keep in touch with friends? You set aside time for other things, do you not? Surely friends are important enough. At the moment I am talking of friends who do not live near you. It is harder with friends like this and writing is in fact the only way you can keep in contact. If you fail to write then these friends will slip away. Take my word on it, I've done it.

Why not try setting aside a certain amount of time a day for letters, emails, and such. And when you do write make sure that the letters are person, not just general. Your friend who is miles away will be delighted to know you took time to think about her 8-D. Also, there are things the two of you can do online or over letters that would be fun – seeing as it is hard to do activities with friends not near by.

Some things I have found work is making up stories. With one friend we write letters. She is a sailor and I a ranger and we make up stories and write them to each other. Another fun thing to do is read a book your friend really likes and she read one you do. You can get online at the same time, over a chat, and read together, commenting as you go. Also there are now role playing sites in which friends can play together. (Not meaning to sound like a sales man, but I know of such a site I could recommend if any are interested). I am certain if you put your mind to it you and your friend could come up with a lot of fun things to do “together”. But remember, it is important to make time for ALL your friends, even ones half way cross country or on the other side of the world.

Query for Thee - 4/2/10

2010-04-02T10:01:00.000-07:00

As you can see, the text is a different color 8-D I am honored to be doing today's query.

So, after thinking of it for the past week, I have decided to ask you all to list some activities you enjoy doing with your friends.

What are some special things you do together? Any suggestions for things other friends can do and might enjoy? What kinds of things do you do with friends who do not live near you?

Friendship Troubles

2010-03-31T17:55:00.000-07:00

First of all I would like to apologize for the absence of a post yesterday. It is unseasonably warm where I am, and I have been enjoying dashing about outside and to the store with my mom - which, of course, leaves no time for blogging. Just kidding. :)

Friendship troubles, arguments, misunderstandings - we all try to avoid them, don't we? One thing I have learned, however, is that people see things differently and hurt feelings are unavoidable.

I love Heather dearly and would never want to hurt her, but we do not see eye to eye, and we have hurt each other without even realizing it before. We've had several such incidents. One of the more memorable ones took place several months ago.

The new term of school had started and I had a lot of work to do. I only had an hour or two where I could get online, and that was in the evenings when I usually watched TV with my family, so I didn't get on even then most nights. I knew she missed being able to do things with me online, but I "made up for it" by making sure to tell her I loved her - the trouble is, this didn't make up for it in Heather's eyes.

My love language is words of affirmation, so it is important to me to hear people say they love me - which is why I thought telling Heather that I loved her would make up for the fact that I couldn't get online - but Heather's love language is quality time, and words mean nothing to her. So when I said I loved her, but didn't spend much time with her, she didn't feel loved, and I hurt her without ever meaning to.

But there is another thing I have learned about friendship troubles - they are like bones. Now before you all start whispering about what a crack-pot I am to compare friendship troubles to bones please hear me out.

If one sprains one's ankle it will heal, but the bones will never be as strong as they once were. This is what happens to a friendship when someone is hurt and bottles it up. The wound may heal, but it will never completely go away. It will always be there even if it is hidden well, and the other friend will not know what happened and will likely continue doing what ever it was she did to hurt her friend.

When one breaks one's ankle however, the bone heals stronger than it was before - like friendships when we admit to being hurt. When I hurt Heather by not spending time with me she told me. We had a long talk, we're closer now than we were before - our friendship is stronger.

Nowadays I try to get online every night to write with her. It wasn't always easy but it is now, I enjoy it, and I know it makes Heather happy. If Heather hadn't told me how she was feeling, however, I never would have known, I would still not be getting online at night, and Heather would still be feeling like I don't love her.

So, the next time a friend says something, or does something that hurts you, why not try mentioning it? It may be hard at first, but it gets easy - and your friendship is worth it.

The One on Truthfulness

2010-03-28T18:08:00.000-07:00

Trust and truth are to hard issues for me, for many reasons. The main reason being is that for years I have not been an honest person. I would tell lies, but not as often as one would think. My dishonest came in the form of deceit, hiding things from people for fear of being hurt – which in no way excuses the manner.

Now, the thing of truth is, it should not be used to go around telling everyone their faults. Truth comes from honesty, not trying to make yourself better then everyone else. If a friend struggles in a certain area you can lovingly help them with it, but do not simply go around pointing out every little thing they do wrong and stick the word truth on it. That is not how God intended we build others up, that is how we tare down and discourage them. Try and look for things they do right and congratulate them – and do not stick on a fault when you are pointing out a good quality.

If a friend is struggling in a certain area, with temper let's say, do not go around saying things like, “There, you did it again, went and lost your temper! When will you ever learn?” Try something else instead. If they are Christians they already feel bad about it most likely, so lovingly confront them.

“I saw you got upset again, is there anything I can do to help? Maybe we can study some verses together, or if you ever feel like you are getting upset you can come and talk to me about it. Also remember God forgives you every time you fall and will help you to do better again.”

But now, back to truth. Friends will hurt you. You are human, they are human, you will hurt them and they will you. One thing Katie and I have learned about hurt is that when one of us is hurt by the other we would not talk about it. We would bottle up and let it build until it was worse. However, we learned that if we went to the other when they had done something hurtful and talked it out the problem was solved swiftly and we were closer then ever before.

I shall never forget the day, er night, when I was half asleep and not feeling well. I had been trying to talk to Katie all night but she was silent for no reason in particular. Well, it was finally bed time, I was irritable and wanting sleep and, just before I said goodnight, Katie opened up with a problem. In annoyance I said something unkind and soon after when to bed thinking nothing on it. It was not until the next morning that Katie confronted me on it and simply told me my sharp words had hurt her. I knew they had and was sorry for them, yet at the same time I was happy, knowing that Katie had been able to come to me and tell me I had hurt her rather then sulking all day and leaving me guessing.

Truth telling saves time, further hurts, and a deal of trouble, it can also save friendships. If you were hurt, go to your friend and talk it over, letting her have her say as well as you yours. Work it all out, learn from it, and move on, not to dwell on it longer. Also, be the kind of person willing to listen so that she can come to you when she is feeling hurt. If you do this your friendship will grow, and not lessen.

Query For Thee - 3/26/10

2010-03-26T00:00:00.000-07:00

What's the nicest thing a friend ever said to you/done for you?

Oh great! Now I have to answer this, don't I? Oh dear... I- I am easily touched and have countless texts saved on my phone because Heather has said something sweet, and I couldn't possibly narrow it down, so I shall do two easy ones. :)

The first is letting me be her little sister. I've wanted a big sister for years and I couldn't have a better one - I can never thank her enough for this one. :D

The second is letting me write one - or two or six - Marshall books with her. I know how important the Marshall books are to her and her sharing them with me makes me feel so loved. Every time I'm feeling left out I think of this and it helps a ton. Thanks, my dear Sherlock! <3

For Molly I shall do something very recent that is still very fresh in my mind (makes it easier that way :D).

You know what? I'll let you read what she said for yourself.

I was feeling so discouraged before she commented, and just her reminding me why I'm doing this meant a ton to me. Thanks Molly! I love you! <3

Listening

2010-03-24T00:00:00.000-07:00

I happen to be a very talkative person. Heather once told me that she found it interesting how I could go on, and on, and on, because she couldn't do that. It's funny because I really do that - I always seem to have stuff I want to say.

I enjoy talking. I enjoy letting people into my life by telling them what I'm thinking and feeling and I love when they are interested and will listen and care about what I'm saying.

The problem is, until Heather pointed it out to me I wasn't very good at listening. I would get so caught up in what I was saying that I wouldn't even notice when my friends wanted to say something.

But I started working on this as soon as Heather mentioned this out to me. It wasn't very easy at first - I would have to stop talking and ask what she was saying when I so wanted to say what ever it was I had been saying. It got easier, however, and now I think I just may enjoy it even more than talking! I enjoy knowing what's going on with my friends - what they're feeling, going through, etc. And my friends enjoy knowing that I'll listen to them if they need to talk.

Listening isn't always easy. When something really amazing just happened and you want to tell your friend, but then you realize that they are having a bad day it is very hard to put aside what you were going to say and take the time to listen to them, but sometimes this is just what your friend needs. It takes a sacrifice on your part, yes, but isn't that what real love is? Jesus died on the cross for you, is it really so hard to save what you were going to say for a little bit if it makes your friend happy?

Putting aside your own thoughts to listen can be especially hard if your friend will not talk much. I've had my share of this - feeling as if I have to drag every word out of my friend - but this, too, gets better. As your friends realize that they can talk to you and you'll listen, they'll talk more. You won't have to drag stories out of them, they'll willingly go to you when they have a problem - and that is one of the best feelings in the world!

So the next time you're talking with a friend, why not take a few minutes to ask them about their day - more than just "How was your day?" "Good." "That's good. Today I did such and such and etc." - and really listen when they answer?

The Past

2010-03-22T00:00:00.000-07:00

We all make mistakes, don't we? We all have hurt friends before, done things we regret, things we wish we could change or forget forever. These things are painful, not only to our friend but to us. Also, hard as it is, they are things that can never be changed and most likely never forgotten.

Katie and I have both done things to each other that we wish we could take back or change and forget, but we know we never can. They will always be things we will remember. We have said hurtful things, done hurtful things. We cannot undo them - so what do we do about them?

First of all, what is done cannot be changed. There is no way you can go back to the past and change what has been done. So, what can you do? How can you mend a hurt? Well, the first thing is clear - you must go to your friend and apologize. Talk it all out with them, make sure you listen to what they have to say about it, apologize for every part of it, taking the blame for the part you did in it, and explaining anything that needs explained. Remember, to apologize you must be truly sorry you have hurt them, and make sure your friend has been able to tell you everything they need to, even if it is hard for you to hear.

Once you have apologized there is still things that need to be done. The next step is changing. When I first met Katie I was the type who always had to be right and win every argument. My attitude was I was right, they were wrong, and it was my job to tell them how to be right. Even now I struggle with this but have been learning. After apologizing for this attitude I had to change it. When we are sorry for something we will want to change it - and it is important we do in order to grow.

The last step is one I think is very important. You cannot change the past, but you can the future. You can make it up to your friend by doing something special with her. You can try and not repeat the same mistake. That is the most important as I mentioned before, working on not repeating it. But, another important thing, is that once you have been forgiven, you do not need to go moaning the fact you made a mistake.

I have seen so many people grieved about past mistakes that they forget the future can be changed. No matter the mistake you can always work at making it up to your friend, if she is truly forgiving. But if you keep going around saying, "I am sure a failure, I cannot believe I did that, I can never do anything right. I will never be a good friend," and so forth then you will only fall into self pity.

Once your friend has forgiven you you must forgive yourself, ask God to help you to change, and move on. Remembering past mistakes usually does little good and bringing it up to your friend all the time may only make things worse - continually reminding her of the hurt she had been through. So, do not forget to forgive yourself, as God forgave you, and put the mistake as far from you as the east is from the west.

Two Are Better Than One - You Can't Have Trust Without Telling the Truth

2010-03-17T18:01:00.000-07:00

Every Christian knows that lying is wrong, but how many times have you been upset about something, and, when your friend asks what’s wrong, said nothings wrong?

This, I think, is the stupidest lie ever. If your friend asked obviously they already know that something is wrong. You’re not fooling anybody by saying nothing is wrong.

Now, I understand that sometimes you just don’t want to talk about what ever is wrong. There are times that even I don’t want to talk about what’s wrong I just want to forget it - but I think a better way of saying it “I don’t want to talk about it.” I know that, for me at least, when a friend says nothing is wrong it always makes me fell like they don’t trust me, or aren’t close enough to me to confide in me. Where as, when they say that they just don’t want to talk about it I always feel better because I know that it has nothing to do with not being able to confide in me - they just don’t want to talk about it - that, however, is beside the point.

If a friend does or says something that hurts you it’s your duty to tell them, so they have the chance to apologize, or explain what they really meant.

I remember one time when Heather told me that she was rather upset by the fact that, after several weeks of saying I would, I still hadn’t read the Sherlock Holmes short story I agreed to read. I hadn’t realized that my not reading it had upset her, but as soon as she told my apologized, and immediately printed if off. By the time I went to bed that night I had finished it.
If Heather hadn’t told me that is was bothering her, I never could have fixed it.

Not talking to friends is like putting up a wall around you - it blocks others out. How can you expect to be close with friends if you will not tell them how you’re feeling? How can you expect them to know that you don’t appreciate it when they tease you about your writing, or the fact that you talk so much if you don’t tell them? How would you feel if you accidentally said something that hurt your friend and they didn’t tell you - didn’t give you a chance to apologize for it?

I’ve always been very talkative, but when it came to things that people said that hurt me, I wouldn’t say anything. I would just clamp shut and expect the other person to know that it hurt me.

Growing up my best friend was my cousin, Molly. We understood each other without even trying and we always agreed, so we never had any arguments. I wasn’t used to having to tell people when they hurt me - so I didn’t. I just kept quiet and when they didn’t stop, I pulled away. I nearly lost one of my best friends because of this.

But when I was feeling left out, and worried that Heather would leave me, I couldn’t keep it in. I did as long as I could, but it got to be too much, and I had to talk to her.

ne night, when I was feeling my worst I told Heather everything - everything I had been feeling the past few months. It felt liberating to have everything out in the open, and it allowed Heather to help me then - to make sure I knew that I she was not going to leave me.

Since then we’ve tried to be completely honest with each other, and it’s gotten much easier. It’s not so hard to come to her when something she has said has hurt me. I try to talk about it before bed time whenever it does happen, and it’s not something I dread anymore. I always know that she didn’t mean anything by it, and I know that talking about it will bring us closer than we were before. By talking to each other we’ve been able to help each other get over a lot of our friendship struggles (most of which involved fears of not being friends anymore) and if we weren’t so honest with each other I don’t know if we would still be friends. We’ve never had much in common, and, besides the fact that we love each other dearly, our strongest friendship tie is that we both know we can tell the other anything and not be judged, and not have to worry about the other not loving us because we have struggles.

As Taylor Swift so wisely said once,

"I don't think you should ever be afraid of honesty and of being honest that you're not perfect."

Two Are Better Than One - Good Friends Sacrifice for Each Other

2010-03-15T00:00:00.000-07:00

Sacrifices. What does that word bring to mind? Does it bring to mind the sacrifice made for us when Jesus died on the cross? Does it make you think of the sacrifice of life on behalf of another? Or maybe the sacrifice of money or some other thing of great and costly importance.
When I first hear the word that is what I think of. Yet, do we mean you to go give your life for your friends? Um, no, you only have one life after all and cannot give it for all your friends.

Now, maybe someday some of you will have the chance to give your life for a friend – maybe not. What I am getting at is that you do not have to make huge, life altering sacrifices to be a good friend.

What are things that can be sacrificed though?What about time? Feelings? Selfishness.
I am a very busy person. I work, write, edit, take flute lessons, grammar lessons, help in a children program, and attend a Bible study. Among this there is my family I must make time for, and house work.

Katie has school work from morning until before dinner. She has chores, younger siblings to help with, and like me her family she makes time for. Now, we both have the perfect excuses, and they are not even excuses, of reasons not to spend time together. Yet, we learned soon off that if we did not make time for each other we were not as close. After a lot of struggles we determined to set aside time for each other, even though it was not easy.

I have come to learn that sacrificing time is one of the best things you can do for a friend. If I make time, even half an hour for a friend, they feel well loved and I find that I grow closer to them. One does not have to spend a lot of time, not saying that spending a lot of time is bad or should be avoided. However, sometimes we do not have a lot of time and fifteen minutes of conversation – meaningful conversation – or just being together can do wonders.

Sacrificing time cannot be done in a grudging manner. This sometimes requires us to sacrifice feelings. Also we can sacrifice feelings if, being in a good mood, we see our friend is suffering. Instead of bounding about like all is well sometimes a hug and an understanding spirit is better. Or, if we are having a bad day and see they are excited about something why ruin their excitement. These actions require us to sacrifice selfishness.

Now, I by no means mean you should always have the same feelings as your friend. Sometimes you will be sad or excited about something and it is very much all right to share that with a true friend. Just do not make everything about you, always having everything your way or your friend always being sad because you are or happy because you are. Sacrifice for them as well.

These are some areas of sacrifice. I am certain as you look at yourself you will be able to find other areas as well. Yet, finding them is not enough, we need to do them. After all, friends are well worth them!

Two Are Better Than One - Having Things in Common Doesn't Make a Friend

2010-03-08T00:00:00.000-08:00

Being alike. *shudders* When I dreamed of having a friend as a little girl I wanted someone just like me – only with red hair, green eyes, and who was talkative. Um, yeah, picky wasn't I? This friend I longed for never did show up – in fact she is now in a book and that is where she is meant to stay.

When you think of the kind of friend you want what come to mind? Someone who likes the things you like most likely? If you enjoy the outdoors you want a friend who likes them as well right? So the two of you can go hiking or camping together. You most likely would not want a friend who loves shopping and spends weekends at the local mall.

If you are talkative you want a friend who likes talking, right? Would would want someone you could stay up late with, sitting out on the porch having lovely, night long conversations while watching the fireflies buzz by. You probably would not want a friend who says ten words maximum the whole day.

As my DLS pointed out already, she and I are opposite. If we tried we could not get any more so. She talks non stop – literally – while I have trouble thinking up enough things to say for even a half an hour conversation. She is ladylike. She always dresses nice and stylish, does her hair in pretty styles, and wears makeup. I am a tomboy. I wear old fashioned looking dresses, run about barefoot, and wear my hair in braids all the time – and I only wear makeup when someone is able to tackle me to the ground and put it on me.

You do not have to have the same interests to be friends with a person. If that were the case Katie and I would never be friends, we have about a max of four things in common and even those are a little shifty sometimes. So, why are we so close? We take time to learn more about the others interests and do the things they enjoy even if we may not like them.

I like writing adventure books, so what did she do? She agreed to write one with me even though it is something she does not enjoy much – not normally, she has come to enjoy the book. I do not like shopping at all but I went with her anyways had it turned out it was a lot of fun – I even found a Sherlock Holmes coat. She will watch Lord of the Rings and watch all the way to the end because I like the ending though she does not. I will stay up late talking with her because it is something she loves even if I am not that great at talking. And you know what we have found? That we enjoy doing things we normally would not have. Why? Because we are doing them together.

Friendships, like everything else, take work. If you are not willing to work at a friendship then you are not willing to have a friend. Find out the kinds of things your friend likes to do and do them with her even if you may not enjoy them – and do them willingly and cheerfully or it is a lost cause.

Take the time to talk about things your friend likes. If she likes shopping go with her and take an interest in it. If she likes going on walks go with her – not only will you spend time with her but you will get good excursive. When your friend is having a bad day listen to her problems and encourage her in the Lord – with a gentle and humble spirit. Laugh when she laughs, weep when she weeps, and give a hug when she needs to be held. Just because you two are not at all alike does not mean there is no hope of you ever being close!

Query For Thee - 3/5/10

2010-03-05T11:32:00.000-08:00

Query for Thee: What is your biggest struggle when it comes to being a good friend?

I struggle with setting time aside from school, chores, and time with family to do something with my friends, and not getting jealous. I don't know why, really, but jealousy is a big struggle with me.

So what's your big struggle? Comment and tell me about it, if you will! :D

Fighting Jealousy

2010-03-03T18:44:00.000-08:00

I'm not a fan of Miley Cyrus, but I do like a few of her songs. Fly on the Wall happens to be one of them.

I was listening to this song today and it reminded me of how much jealousy can hurt.

What is jealousy really? I'm not sure I know the whole answer to this question, but I think jealousy stems from a desire to be close with your friend, and feeling threatened when see another close to them too. We either feel jealous of the other person for being close with the friend we want to be close to; or we get scared when we see someone else close to our friend because we don't want to be replaced or forgotten.

I've suffered from both kinds of jealousy, and I think another name for the second kind of jealousy could be "mistrust." We don't trust our friend enough to not replace or forget us. But what does this do to our friend? Do we really want our friends to feel guilty about spending time with their other friends, or to feel like they have to rush back to us? I certainly don't want my friends to feel this way!

So what can we do to prevent it? We can be selfless and give up these jealous, selfish thoughts and learn to trust our friends.

One of my friends heard someone say that when one has hurtful thoughts they need to change them into positive thoughts - such as reminding ourselves that our friend will not forget or replace us. One way I do this is by saving all the sweet texts I get from Heather. Then I re-re-re-read them when I start to feel lonely or left out - it helps a lot.

So do you have any ideas on how to battle jealous feelings? Comment and let me know!

The Challenge

2010-03-01T09:28:00.000-08:00

Howdy again! I am working on a project and Katie was kind enough to let me post it on here and give you all the chance to try it out. I am calling it The Challenge.

Explanation

Friendships, whether those of friends or siblings, are most hurt by selfishness, which is a form of pride. The best way to mend these things – whether they are hurt friendships or relationships – or how to stop any hurt from starting at all is to be rid of selfishness. This is one of the hardest things of all to get rid of, but once it is gone it offers freedom unlike any other – but for the freedom of salvation.

The Challenge offers daily steps one can take in helping to get rid of selfishness and help one in becoming a servant. I am not claiming this cures everything, or that life will be better by doing this. But I pray you learn something as you accept not only my challenge but God's. Are you willing to take His challenge of being a servant to all? Are you willing to lay aside selfishness and pride and be free?

The main step in taking the challenge is a willingness to do it. If you are not willing to accept, not willing to try and lay aside selfishness then the challenge will do you no good. However, if you are willing to try and be open then continue on, and keep in mind to do this as unto God and not unto men – to get His praise alone even if men never see what you are doing.

Friendship Challenge

To begin to give up selfishness starts with taking an interest in others. It will already help if you know what your friends like and dislike, what they enjoy doing in their spare time. However, if you do not know this step may be a little harder for you.
Today's step is to spend half of an hour with a friend you do not normally spend time with. Now, to accomplish this step you simply cannot spend half an hour doing something you like with the friend. Instead, do something they really enjoy, even if you may not. If you do not know what they like the best way is direct – ask them.

If you, as is possible with some, have no friends around close to you spend time with an online friend. Most everyone these days has access to some form of chat box, or instant messenger. You two can talk for half an hour – on something they like. Get to know them better, ask them about themselves while remembering to use open questions. Take an interest in what they say.

If you have no form of instant talking sit down and write a letter to a friend, asking them about themselves and things they have been doing. When you get a reply – remember your letter must be hand written, no emails unless you do not have their address – make sure you pay attention to what they answered and, once more, take an interest.

Also, remember, all this must come from the heart. If you do not do this willingly or cheerfully the effect is lost.

Query For Thee - 2/26/10

2010-02-26T12:02:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry I didn't post on Wednesday - I just didn't have the heart. I messed up - big time, and I just don't feel like writing about how to be a good friend. I think I'll feel better once I resolve this issue, but until then, I have a Query for Thee (oddly inspired by my mood):

If you could go back and change one thing you said/did to a friend what would it be?

I would not tease Heather about the Marshalls, and read them like a good friend; and I would be more honest with Christina and listen to her better.

So what would you fix? Comment and let us know!

Also, the entry deadline has been pushed back to next Thursday. Please enter.

Contest Entries Submission

2010-02-22T05:28:00.000-08:00

Entries for our guest post contest can now be submitted. Please email all entries to sistersinchrist2 (at) gmail (dot) com.

We can't wait to see what you girls come up with! :D

Query for Thee - 2/19/10 - and a Contest

2010-02-19T00:00:00.000-08:00

Query for Thee: How did you meet your best friend? Well, as Molly is my cousin, I don't clearly remember out meeting. I do know that she was there for my first steps, though (not that I remember that, either). I think that's kinda cool. :) We didn't really get to know each other until I was five and she was four, because my parents and I lived in Germany for the first three years of my life (my dad was in the military), but once we did meet we hit it right off, and were heart broken when Molly moved soon after. :(

My friend Christina lives two blocks away. We met inn the spring of 2007. My little sister had played with her little sister before, but we had never talked. It took every bit of courage I had to walk down there and see if she wanted to take a walk or something. But it was worth it. :D

I met Heather when she commented on the blog I shared with Christina.

I think it is so nice that you blog together! I always wanted a best friend like that, one I could do about everything with. Perhaps you can stop by and see my blog. I am reading through yours so I can get to know you better, that is why I may comment more then once.
For now I bid thee both adieu, Maiden Capitola

That comment amuses me so much you have no idea. Little did we know that we'd become sisters.
Guest Post Contest: Heather and I are proud to announce that we are hosting our very first contest! Here's how it works: This week end you write a guest post for Sister in Christ, post a link to the contest on your blog (if you have one), and email us your post between 12:00 AM Monday, February 22nd and 11:59 PM Wednesday, February 24th. Then, on Friday the 26th we'll post the first emails that came in our inbox (up to the first five). The post with the most comments on Monday the 1st of March will win. What's the prize? This lovely locket:

(All but the last picture is from the Etsy seller where from I bought it)

A heart locket with Victorian inspired design on a bronze chain.
Heart locket is about 21 x 22 mm, while chain is approximately 18 inches long.
(From the Etsy seller)

I'm looking forward to seeing what you all come up with! :D

Two Are Better Than One - Chapter Two: Real Friends

2010-02-17T00:00:00.000-08:00

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs... It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
~ 1 Corinthians 13:4,5&7

According to my favorite social media site I have 57 “friends.” Now, in my case most of these are extended family, so my page isn’t the best example, but I know people who have 200+ or even 500+ “friends.” Now, I could be totally wrong, but I highly doubt that all those “friends” are real friends.
A friend is more than just a person you know.
I once looked up the definition of the word “friend” in the dictionary. It says that a friend is:

“one attached to another by affection or esteem.”

A friend loves you, and just look at what the bible says love is! A friend is someone who puts up with all your oddities, and faults patiently - you don’t have to worry about them judging you or disliking you for it. A friend is kind, and they are willing to do stuff they would rather not, because they know you would like it - they are not self-seeking. You can be yourself around them - your whole self, without having to hide any part of you. You know they love you just the way you are, and you don’t have to be jealous of your friend’s other friends else because you know you’ll always be special to them. Heather, once said:

“A friend is someone who laughs when you laugh. Cries when you cry. And considers a surprise meant for you as if it was also meant for them.”

I don’t think most of the “friends” on social media sites would fit this description, do you? Now, I’m not saying we should all quit social media because of this - I actually enjoy some of it - but I do think it’s important for us to understand what a real friend is so we can know who our real friends are, and who our acquaintances are.

Two Are Better Than One - Being Aware of Your Friends' Love Languages.

2010-02-15T19:22:00.000-08:00

I have only recently learned of Love Languages. At first I was skeptical of them but now I think there is something to them. It took me awhile to find out what they are and even now I forget all of them. I know there is quality time, Word of Affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. These are ways people feel loved. Each one has their own different way of feeling loved. For me I feel the most loved when someone spends time with me. If someone tells me they love me but do not take time to do things with me then I don't feel that they love me. This is different for Katie as hers is words.

Now, I have learned much on this. First off, it is normal for a person to show love with their language. I hardly ever tell Katie I love her because to me I find little meaning behind words and think there is no point. Instead I show her I love her by taking time to spend with her - and soon realized she was not feeling loved because I was not showing her how I loved in the way she needed to be shown -if that makes sense.

The same went for her with me. She was always telling me she loved me but never did anything with me so I did not feel that she loved me as I as not important enough for even a little bit of her time. After awhile of struggling with this we both learned how to show each other we loved each other by using our languages. Let me see if I can explain this better.
I learned to tell Katie I love her and she has learned that even fifteen minutes with me makes my whole day better. We also learned to accept each others language. As in, I know she loves me because she says it - that is how she shows it. And when I spend time with her she knows it is my way of showing her I love her.

Finding a friend's language is hard, doing it can be even harder. It takes a lot of time and effort to find it and then use it. However, in the end it well pays off and assures your friend that you do love them. It shows you take an interest in them and wish to do things for them - to help them and love them more.

It is all right to show a friend you love them by using your language, but it is ten times better and more special to use theirs. There is a certain reassurance in that, something that can brighten their whole day and make them feel so very special. Just because it is not something you normally would do - giving a friend a hug if theirs is touch, writing a note if it is words, making a gift or so forth it is good to not only stretch yourself but is surely worth it if it is for a friend.
Also, try and think up creative ways to show them their language. A simple, - love you, - does wonders - but think up new ways to show it. Write a poem, story, or a card or letter. Leave it in places they are not expecting or, if you live to far away, find other ways to get it there. Snail mail is a very special way to go about it.

If theirs is gifts don't just go buy a gift. Find out what they like and make them something. Or, even if you do buy something make sure you put thought into it, looking for something you know they would like. Listen to when they talk and see if they mention anything they would like. A gift means more that way. Whatever your friend's language is, make sure you find it and then do it. They will greatly love it and it will bring you two closer. Take my word for it.

A Test of Friendship, Story One

2010-02-07T16:09:00.000-08:00

Dawn's simple longing as a child, that longing to have a friend, was realized the day she met Alex. Alex was unlike any girl Dawn had ever met and right off the two struck up a friendship – which was odd for Dawn who had never been able to make friends swiftly. A year passed and every day the girls grew closer until Dawn was assured they would be friends forever – that was until the day their lives forever changed.

It was in the summer. Dawn went away for a week long camp and when she returned she noticed a change in Alex, though it was not a big one. She was unable to explain the change, she just knew it was there. Alex was more quiet, not that she talked any less, she just seemed more closed – like she was hiding something from Dawn. Dawn tried to ask her about it but she always laughingly said it was nothing and that she needn't worry.

Time passed and though Alex acted as if everything was all right, Dawn noticed the change in her growing. It was almost as if she daily grew more distant. Finally Dawn decided to confront her.

“Have I done something wrong?” Dawn asked one day as the two went for one of their now rare walks in the park.

“What makes you ask such a silly thing?” Alex asked with a toss of her head and a laugh.

“Well,” Dawn stammered and then murmured, “you hardly talk to me anymore.”

“We talk everyday,” Alex replied, rolling her eyes and grinning.

“But not like we used to,” Dawn murmured softly, “we used to tell each other everything but lately I don't even know what you have been doing or if you are going through anything hard – you seem so distant.”

“And why do I have to tell you everything I am struggling with?” Alex demanded, crossing her arms over her chest.

“You don't,” Dawn answered lowering her head, “but you are my friend and I have known something is wrong but I do not know how to help – and I want to.”

“Just like everyone else wants to help,” Alex snorted, “by sticking their noses into my life and demanding to know everything I am doing. So what if I don't tell you every little detail? It doesn't mean we aren't friends, Dawn!”

Dawn kept her eyes on the ground as she felt tears prick her eyes. “I know,” she murmured,

“I'm sorry – I did not mean to be nosy.”

Alex laughed, then slipped her arm through Dawn's. “Just forget about it – I am all right and everything is great! Don't worry about me.”

Dawn did not answer, because she knew she was worried about Alex.

Sometimes it is hard to know how to help a friend – especially if they say everything is all right even if you know something is wrong. Though your friend may not always open up to you right off it does not mean you should simply give up on them and think your friendship is over. Continue to be there for them, be the best friend you are able to be, pray for them, and do all you can to encourage and help them. Who knows, someday they may open up to you again and you will be able to help them with their struggle.

Now for some fun. What do you think Alex is hiding?

Queries for Thee - 2/5/10

2010-02-05T07:26:00.001-08:00

This is a new segment of our blog, called Queries for Thee. 'Tis the part of this blog where we'll ask you - the reader - different random, interesting questions, in the hope of getting more comments. *hint hint*

This weeks topic is the dearest memory you have with your best friend. I have several for each of my friends. I could not possibly choose my favorite memory of all the ones I have with Molly - especially the ones from Missouri. We've had so much fun there the last four years. Whenever we went anywhere with "Anut" Mary and Uncle Duane, Molly and I twist around in our seats so we cam look out the back window at all the hills we've already passed over - that way we can't see the hills coming up, and it's easier to loose our stomachs. We have our iPods on, and we talk about our stories, point out places that looked like the different countries in our books as we drive past, and giggle over all the story ideas swirling around in our heads. It really fun. Then when we got back to the ranch we would sit on the hammock together and talk more about our stories, and maybe write a little.

My favorite memory with Heather is definitely Christmas night, 2009. I was a selfish beast, but I was honest, begged pardon and we ended up having a really nice, sweet, long talk after it. We were up until two in the morning my time, and that was the first time I was truly, %100 honest about all my fears. We've had a lot of talks like that, and all of them are dear memories, but I that's my favorite. <3

"The Right Friend"

2010-02-03T00:00:00.000-08:00

I think most Christian girls think of their Prince Charming with the sound knowledge that God has him waiting for them, and that He'll send him in His time. But what about friends? I know that I for one, in those years I was wishing for a friend, was sub-consciously thinking I would have to do something to get one - I never thought of God providing one for me.

I've always knew that God knows what sort of husband I need better than I do, but at the same time I knew exactly what kind of friend I wanted, and never thought of any other kind.

When I was really little I wanted an older sister like my best friend had - an older sister who would love make up and clothes and fashion. She could do my hair and put make up on me and when I got older I could borrow her clothes. As I grew up the desire for an older sister was pushed out of mind by the great longing I had for a best friend who lived near me (since my bestest friend, Molly, lived four hours drive away).

As it turns out, however, neither of those is what I needed. I have another best friend and an older sister. It's the same girl, and she's neither girly, nor does she love fashion - at least, not as much as I do - and even further away than Molly does, so borrowing clothes are completely out of the question. She's the friend I always needed, though - even if I didn't know it - and, though I may wish she lived next door, I'm glad she's not the girly older sister I wanted, because I love her just the way she is.

So if you're longing for a best friend, but don't seem to finding one, why not add that to your prayer list? And don't judge someone by what you think you need - because that may very well not be what you need, and you could miss out on your best friend that way. I almost did - but that's a post for another time. ;-)

Being a true friend, Part one

2010-02-01T15:44:00.000-08:00

I missed last week and for that I am terribly sorry. I had been busy and had not a post ready but shall work harder at it from now on. I am now working on a series of posts on how to be a friend. This is the first in it and is shorter then I thought it would be but, here it is nonetheless :D. I am also planning up some short stories that I hope to post soon.

In Christ Alone, Heather

I think this is one of the most important lessons in life we can learn because it leads to many others. If we can learn how to be a true friend we can learn how to love our siblings and neighbors more. Now, this reminds me of the Good Samaritan. Why? Because the Samaritan was a friend to a man no one else would help.

Being a good friend does not only mean being a friend to those we are close to. It is easy for me to be a good friend to Katie and Molly, it is hard to be one toward someone who mistreats me, doesn't like me, or is someone I have not met before. First I would like to look at being a friend to those we do not know.

Being a friend to someone new, like at church, school, or a gathering you go to is the hardest thing a person can do. It is made even harder when your own friends are there and you would rather be talking with them. Yet, there is great importance in being friendly to all. Let me ask you this, have you ever been the new girl somewhere? Have you ever stood against the wall, wishing you could slip into the floor and vanish because no one is so much as looking at you?

I know going up to a new person is hard. However, it can be made easier if you have a list of questions ready to ask them, and if possible you can take your friend with you. Now, there are two kinds of questions I have been told. Some are open questions where the person has to talk to you and others are closed where they can say yes or no and the conversation is done. Always try and use open ones. Instead of asking, “Do you have brothers or sisters?” Ask, “How many brothers and sisters do you have?” This will open conversations up.

Also, always remember that you want to find out about the person, find what they like, more about them, so forth. Find out what they like and ask them about it. You can ask, “Have you any hobbies?” And when they name one find out more about it. Try not to always turn the conversation to yourself. As in...
“Do you have hobbies?”
“Yes.”
“What kind?”
“Sewing.”
“Oh that is cool! I am a rotten sewer. I tried to make a skirt once and it looked like a hat-” And so on, going on about yourself. Now it is fine to mention things about yourself, but do not make it all about you. You are there to be a friend to them, get them comfortable, not to be selfish. Who knows, maybe by doing so you will make a new best friend!

Love Languages: Quality Time vs. Words of Affirmation

2010-01-26T20:02:00.000-08:00

One day, a couple of months ago Heather asked me what my love language was. I knew mine right away - words of afirmation. I mean, come on, how many texts did I have saved on my phone because of something sweet Heather had said? (It was up to near 100 at once point. :D)

Heather told me hers was quality time - she feels loved when people take time to do things with her. At the moment I saw a flash back of all the times I had had half-hearted conversations with her due to the fact that I was watching TV or doing some other activity as I "talked." I felt very bad for it, and determined to do better. I love Heather dearly, and I wanted to make sure I showed it. I was struggling with insecurity, at this time, and I knew what a few sweet gestures in my love language mean to me, and I wanted to do the same with her.

So I began to try. When I thought she was upset about something, I made sure she knew that I wouldn't mind listening to her problems, and when she visited for Thanksgiving I made sure watch the movies she liked (or, I tried to try, at least) - it was a small effort on my part.

After Thanksgiving - after she had already left - she apologized for not watching one of the Jane Austen movies she had said she would watch with me, and I told her that I didn't mind. I wanted to watch her movies, because I knew it was important for her, and that quality time was her love language. She told me that she thought it was very sweet, and that she had noticed I was more "there when she needed me." That just made my day (there's another text saved. :D).

Heather is a very quiet, private person. Since Thanksgiving she has repeatedly apologized for being quiet, and has said a couple times how she is not good at saying sweet things - but you know what? She does better than she thinks she does.

I've found love languages to be tricky things. I didn't realize that for Heather quality time is more than just spending time with her, and that it's also taking an interest in things she likes. Heather, on the other hand, didn't realize that she doesn't always have to say "I love you" to tell me with my love language. Every time she apologizes for not talking, or worries that she doesn't do my love language enough is testament that she does love me. She wouldn't worry if she didn't, and she's plenty sweet even - or perhaps, just plain - when she doesn't try.

This isn't to say that you should never show your love to a friend with your love language - I tell Heather often that I love her, and she shows me by taking interest in my enjoyments - but if you want to do something really, really special for a friend then figure out their love language and show them that way. I guarantee they'll love it - a lot.

Celebrity Honesty

2010-01-23T21:24:00.000-08:00

Earlier this week, I was browsing the magazine rack at the drugstore my mom had dragged me to when I saw a headline that made me stop. Usually I couldn't care less about those teen magazines - you know the kind. The kind where they put about a dozen stars on the cover instead of just sticking to one like any normal magazine would - this headline, however, really caught my interest.
Below a picture of my favorite pop/country music star it said:

How Taylor broke girl code & kept her friend.
"Never be afraid to be honest"

I picked up the magazine, and after a quick skim of the article I decided to buy the magazine so I could write a proper post about it.

According to the article in Twist Selena Gomez, star of Wizards of Waverly Place, was dating Taylor Lautner early this summer, before braking up with him in June. Taylor Swift then met him in July while filming Valentines Day, and realized right away that they liked each other.
Taylor Swift, however, is good friends with Selena Gomez, which, I think we all know, could cause a problem. After all, everybody says never to date your friend's ex.

"The same day Tay S. tweeted about meeting Taylor L, she also tweeted, 'Just had the most hilarious night-walk ever with Selena. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.' Instead of going behind Selena's back and flirting with her ex, Taylor put her friendship first and had girl-talk time with Selena. Although the girls respect their friendship and aren't revealing the details of the conversation, we're certain Taylor was completely open and honest the minute she realized she had feelings for Taylor L, because telling the truth is Taylor's #1 priority when it comes to her friendships. 'I don't think you should ever be afraid of honesty and of being honest that you're not perfect.'"

I think this is just awesome - especially since Taylor Swift also mentioned that she doesn't date around much, unless she meets "somebody who's great," and also said that she's been single most of her life.

I'm planing on writing a chapter about honesty in Two Are Better Than One, and I think this is houbouring those feelings, which not good for you, or your friendship.

I'm not sure if Selena Gomez and Taylor Swift are Christians or not - I've seen people online who have said they are. Though I'm inclined to agree with them, however, I can't say for certain - but I do think that, whether they are or not, in this instant they are a great example of how sisters in Christ should behave.

How to Find a Friend

2010-01-18T09:23:00.001-08:00

I am 22-years-old, though a lot of my friends let me say I am 16, sometimes I act like I am 3. I come from a family of two brothers and no sisters, though I always wanted a younger one – why younger and not older I do not know. And I grew up with a desire for one thing, a best friend.

Yet, by the time I was 20 I had given up on this. By then I had had many “friends” who I thought would be my friends for years and years. Yet, slowly, one by one, they vanished – most were pen-pals – and I have not heard of them since though I have tried to contact them.

Sure, I'd read about people who had best friends, but I was starting to think it was just a thing from books. Like fairies. Aside from my cousins I was certain no one was going to want a shy, quiet, day dreamy girl for a friend. Many girls I knew had tried to talk to me but I was awkward and never knew what to say. My hope had come from writing to girls, yet now they were leaving me. Best friends? Ha! In your dreams maybe.

Then one day I met a talkative, tomboyish, romantic girl and we hit it off – once again as pen pals. Yet this time I met the girl, and we stayed friends! Hope came to me at last! 20 and finally I had a best friend, or so I thought. Yet, something happened. What, I may never fully understand. But we are not as close now. You may think I am back in the pits – or is it depths? - of despair.

However, I am not. Why? Because of Katie.

Yes, I met Katie online through a blog. At the time she was 13 and I 20 though I thought nothing of the age difference. All we had in common was Lord of the Rings and writing. And at the time we both thought our friendship would never be close. We have known each other for two years, we have been best friends for a year at most.

What changed? How can we possibly be friends? After all, there is no possible way we could get more different if we tried. I guess my point in all this is is that friends are hard to find, even harder to keep. I will admit that for the first 21, 22 years of my life I was a selfish brat. Even now I am working on that. And now I can safely say that Katie and I would not be as good a friends as we are if I had not been working on that.

One of the keys to having a friend is being one. Were I to only talk about myself, my troubles, my woes, my joys as I used to with other friends I would have lost her as well. A friend is to rejoice with her friend, weep with her friend. I, like all of us, must take time in Katie, listen when she has troubles, encourage her, build her up, not down. After all, we are walking to Heaven aren't we? We might as well go together. As it says in the Bible, Two are better then one. When one falls the other can help him up.

I have learned the key to having a friend is to being one. And daily I am learning how to be one – it is never ending, but it is well worth it!!

~Heather

Why Do Friendships Seem Unimportant in the Teen World? Part One

2010-01-15T17:08:00.001-08:00

This is the first chapter of my new book, Two Are Better Than One
~ Katie

"An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world - how she can please her husband."
1 Corinthians 7:34b

I was listening to a song by one of my favorite pop stars the other day when it hit me: just about every song, every book, and every TV show geared for teens are about dating. Most of the books for younger kids have sweet stories about best friends in them, but it seems to me that once we get to be teens all of those nice stories go away, and we’re fed a bunch of stories about how we “need” boy friends, and how we’ll be happier with them.
Another song by the same pop star tells the story of a fifteen year old girl and her first boy friend. Part of the song says how all she wanted was to be wanted. Now this I can relate to -I’ve been there. I wanted to know I was loved and appreciated by someone - a peer, not in my family. I don’t know why, but I even added that into my 2008 NaNoWriMo novel.
The story is about a young girl who wants desperately to be loved, but thinks it could never happen. In the end, she realizes that her friend, Emeric, does love her, and they are engaged (of course!). Among my friends I’m known as the romantic. I think wanting to be loved is just a natural feeling. We want someone who can relate to what we’re going through; someone who, we’ve had an awful day, will lend a shoulder to cry on and assure us that things will get better; someone who will be with us through thick and thin, and never stop loving us. However, I’ve learned that we don’t need boy friends to be loved and supported.
There are two people I know I can always count on to support me, encourage me, and love me: my best friend, Molly; and my “older sister,” Heather. Being my cousin, Molly has been there for me since I was a baby, so maybe she’s not the best example. I’ve only known Heather two years, though.
She’s seven years older than me, and yet she has never been unsupportive, never told me “oh you’re too little to do that,” never ceased to love me. I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve come crying to her, or how many times she’s cheered me up - told me everything will be fine, and set me on my feet again. We don’t need boy friends to be happy - especially not when we’re so young.
I’ve never dated, and I don’t plan on doing it any time soon, but my mom did, and she says she wishes she hadn’t started so soon, because it distracted her from what was important. Do we really need that? Do we really want that? I think what we really need is good friends - real friends.