The Past

We all make mistakes, don't we? We all have hurt friends before, done things we regret, things we wish we could change or forget forever. These things are painful, not only to our friend but to us. Also, hard as it is, they are things that can never be changed and most likely never forgotten.

Katie and I have both done things to each other that we wish we could take back or change and forget, but we know we never can. They will always be things we will remember. We have said hurtful things, done hurtful things. We cannot undo them - so what do we do about them?

First of all, what is done cannot be changed. There is no way you can go back to the past and change what has been done. So, what can you do? How can you mend a hurt? Well, the first thing is clear - you must go to your friend and apologize. Talk it all out with them, make sure you listen to what they have to say about it, apologize for every part of it, taking the blame for the part you did in it, and explaining anything that needs explained. Remember, to apologize you must be truly sorry you have hurt them, and make sure your friend has been able to tell you everything they need to, even if it is hard for you to hear.

Once you have apologized there is still things that need to be done. The next step is changing. When I first met Katie I was the type who always had to be right and win every argument. My attitude was I was right, they were wrong, and it was my job to tell them how to be right. Even now I struggle with this but have been learning. After apologizing for this attitude I had to change it. When we are sorry for something we will want to change it - and it is important we do in order to grow.

The last step is one I think is very important. You cannot change the past, but you can the future. You can make it up to your friend by doing something special with her. You can try and not repeat the same mistake. That is the most important as I mentioned before, working on not repeating it. But, another important thing, is that once you have been forgiven, you do not need to go moaning the fact you made a mistake.

I have seen so many people grieved about past mistakes that they forget the future can be changed. No matter the mistake you can always work at making it up to your friend, if she is truly forgiving. But if you keep going around saying, "I am sure a failure, I cannot believe I did that, I can never do anything right. I will never be a good friend," and so forth then you will only fall into self pity.

Once your friend has forgiven you you must forgive yourself, ask God to help you to change, and move on. Remembering past mistakes usually does little good and bringing it up to your friend all the time may only make things worse - continually reminding her of the hurt she had been through. So, do not forget to forgive yourself, as God forgave you, and put the mistake as far from you as the east is from the west.