Friendship Troubles

First of all I would like to apologize for the absence of a post yesterday. It is unseasonably warm where I am, and I have been enjoying dashing about outside and to the store with my mom - which, of course, leaves no time for blogging. Just kidding. :)

Friendship troubles, arguments, misunderstandings - we all try to avoid them, don't we? One thing I have learned, however, is that people see things differently and hurt feelings are unavoidable.

I love Heather dearly and would never want to hurt her, but we do not see eye to eye, and we have hurt each other without even realizing it before. We've had several such incidents. One of the more memorable ones took place several months ago.

The new term of school had started and I had a lot of work to do. I only had an hour or two where I could get online, and that was in the evenings when I usually watched TV with my family, so I didn't get on even then most nights. I knew she missed being able to do things with me online, but I "made up for it" by making sure to tell her I loved her - the trouble is, this didn't make up for it in Heather's eyes.

My love language is words of affirmation, so it is important to me to hear people say they love me - which is why I thought telling Heather that I loved her would make up for the fact that I couldn't get online - but Heather's love language is quality time, and words mean nothing to her. So when I said I loved her, but didn't spend much time with her, she didn't feel loved, and I hurt her without ever meaning to.

But there is another thing I have learned about friendship troubles - they are like bones. Now before you all start whispering about what a crack-pot I am to compare friendship troubles to bones please hear me out.

If one sprains one's ankle it will heal, but the bones will never be as strong as they once were. This is what happens to a friendship when someone is hurt and bottles it up. The wound may heal, but it will never completely go away. It will always be there even if it is hidden well, and the other friend will not know what happened and will likely continue doing what ever it was she did to hurt her friend.

When one breaks one's ankle however, the bone heals stronger than it was before - like friendships when we admit to being hurt. When I hurt Heather by not spending time with me she told me. We had a long talk, we're closer now than we were before - our friendship is stronger.

Nowadays I try to get online every night to write with her. It wasn't always easy but it is now, I enjoy it, and I know it makes Heather happy. If Heather hadn't told me how she was feeling, however, I never would have known, I would still not be getting online at night, and Heather would still be feeling like I don't love her.

So, the next time a friend says something, or does something that hurts you, why not try mentioning it? It may be hard at first, but it gets easy - and your friendship is worth it.