One day, a couple of months ago Heather asked me what my love language was. I knew mine right away - words of afirmation. I mean, come on, how many texts did I have saved on my phone because of something sweet Heather had said? (It was up to near 100 at once point. :D)
Heather told me hers was quality time - she feels loved when people take time to do things with her. At the moment I saw a flash back of all the times I had had half-hearted conversations with her due to the fact that I was watching TV or doing some other activity as I "talked." I felt very bad for it, and determined to do better. I love Heather dearly, and I wanted to make sure I showed it. I was struggling with insecurity, at this time, and I knew what a few sweet gestures in my love language mean to me, and I wanted to do the same with her.
So I began to try. When I thought she was upset about something, I made sure she knew that I wouldn't mind listening to her problems, and when she visited for Thanksgiving I made sure watch the movies she liked (or, I tried to try, at least) - it was a small effort on my part.
After Thanksgiving - after she had already left - she apologized for not watching one of the Jane Austen movies she had said she would watch with me, and I told her that I didn't mind. I wanted to watch her movies, because I knew it was important for her, and that quality time was her love language. She told me that she thought it was very sweet, and that she had noticed I was more "there when she needed me." That just made my day (there's another text saved. :D).
Heather is a very quiet, private person. Since Thanksgiving she has repeatedly apologized for being quiet, and has said a couple times how she is not good at saying sweet things - but you know what? She does better than she thinks she does.
I've found love languages to be tricky things. I didn't realize that for Heather quality time is more than just spending time with her, and that it's also taking an interest in things she likes. Heather, on the other hand, didn't realize that she doesn't always have to say "I love you" to tell me with my love language. Every time she apologizes for not talking, or worries that she doesn't do my love language enough is testament that she does love me. She wouldn't worry if she didn't, and she's plenty sweet even - or perhaps, just plain - when she doesn't try.
This isn't to say that you should never show your love to a friend with your love language - I tell Heather often that I love her, and she shows me by taking interest in my enjoyments - but if you want to do something really, really special for a friend then figure out their love language and show them that way. I guarantee they'll love it - a lot.
2 comments:
Oh what a lovely post! sorry I haven't been commenting -- in fact, I've read every single post, though I never commented on them. I felt as if I had nothing at all to add, so I didn't even bother to say anything.
Well, I love this blog, and am constantly checking it to see if there is another post up.
I finally figured out what my love language is! haha, it only took me a long time to figure it out. Well a few weeks ago, I was feeling rather down, because I hadn't really talked to you guys very much. Only tiny "conversations" that left me more sad then before. I was getting really upset, then it dawned on me! My love language must be Quality Time. In fact, it makes it nice to also have a sister with the same love language. Lately I've even watched Star Wars with her -- and that is saying a lot from me. :)
Anyway, thanks for the post! And sorry about the long strange ramble. :D
~Queen Flora (hehehe -- haven't used that name in a while :D )
Quality time is a hard one for me, personally. I like when I can have long conversations and have that count as quality time, though, because that is also really nice for me, since mine is words of affirmation. :)
And thanks for the comment, Molly. *hugs*
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